So my dear wife decided to enter the fray, and when contacted by her sister in Wooster about the availability of a shed decided to purchase it. Now in fairness she did ask me if I could move it for her. And, my son happened to be in the area, and took a look at it, and decided it was a small building about 7 by 7 and not that tall, so it should be easy to move. There was also a carport , it needed to go too, but ,as it was screwed together, and assumed to be aluminum, it would be easy enough to disassemble and transport as well. And as you are all familiar with my greatest project recently, of converting the old (1972) motor home into a flat bed it really seemed like it should be easy to get there and back in a day with both the buildings. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Yes, that was a maniacal laugh. And deservedly so, because the flat bed hasn't made it off the property and returned under its own power yet. You remember it broke down on the return trip from being weighed? It hasn't even been to town to get the fuel tanks filled yet. And I'm to take it 90 miles north, and return carrying two buildings? In a day? Who's nutty idea is this? It might have been easier, and had more of a chance of success, had I been given the full amount of time I was originally allotted, until the middle of August, that was my initial time table, and would have allowed a couple short runs, which might have brought the little issues to light, in the daylight, which was one criteria I had insisted on. That the trip be undertaken in the day light. Now there are those among you, who will think that such an undertaking would surely be doomed to failure, just related to the need to start out before noon. Of course you could be seen as a nay-say er if you took that stance to start out. It is an hour and a half trip up to Wooster, and an hour and a half back. So simply leave at noon, arrive at 1:30 load the two buildings, about 2 hours, leave Wooster at 3:30, be home at 5:30, (allowing for a little slower return due to weight and hills and such.) So where is the problem?

WELLLLLLL, the hills and such entered into the trip up as well. So we didn't arrive until about 5 ish, because we didn't leave until 1:00, due to town issues, and my collection of equipment issues, and attempts to get the truck ready,

 

 

 

 

 

 

because we were informed (via round about phone call) that the construction crew had arrived two weeks early and started by moving the buildings to the rear of the lot, and piling dirt in very unhelpful places around the yard. Yep, the buildings were nigh on inaccessible, and it didn't appear the situation would be improved by waiting. Therefore, my timetable was shortened by a full week! So, after a couple seriously compacted days of machine modification and insanely brilliant re purposing of items I had hoarded (according to my concerned children) I had a vehicle physically capable of collecting and transporting a 7 by 7 wooden shed and a dismantled aluminum carport.

Having arrived at the originally projected time of departure, and a week early, I surveyed my situation. Turns out, I had assumed, incorrectly I might add at this point, the car port would be aluminum. Well, it was steel. And along with the 8 by 8 wooden shed, now residing in the back of the lot and down a mud hill, I dare not attempt to move the truck down. If it wasn't captured a-straddle the hump they had created, it would surely be stranded by the mud and lack of traction it had displayed itself prone to. I can't even back it up to my garage without resorting to backing up the road at high speed, and counting on inertia to carry it to the concrete apron. So I needed a plan "B", (Cue, track hoe delivery!)

Yep, at that moment, when I realized my well laid plans had been thwarted, (No, really, I had checked that I would be able to back up to the buildings, no overhangs , no wires, no crazy un-level areas to deal with..) and here comes the guy with the track hoe, that had put me in this predicament! Chris immediately inquired as to his ability to, maybe, possibly, give us a hand with his machine? As it was pretty obvious our plans didn't include moving the buildings from the place they had removed them to. Even in this picture the situation appears doable, the picture above gives a little more idea of the grade difference that I had to deal with, as the foundation is where the other structures had originally been. Fortunately, he said, "sure, he'd help" and in addition, he'd cancel the truckload of gravel on its way, until the next morning, so we didn't have to maneuver around it as well! The picture of the shed at a 45 degree angle being pulled up the newly created "back yard geometry", is more of a real indicator of the situation we were in. Don't look in the trackhoe cab yet, as it will spoil the surprise twist to our situation. Now, as luck, which had been so good so far, (HAHAHAHAHAHAHA) would have it, he got a phone call, telling him his father had been in a car accident, and although it wasn't serious, he needed to leave right away. Well, there went my chance of it being an easy project... but then he asked if I was familiar with such a machine???? Well, yeah, sort of, I have a back hoe and a bobcat and have used similar machines I rented... So he gave me a quick tutorial, about 2 minutes, and gave me the keys!!!!! and left! WOW what a break! Suddenly, the project was again do-able.

Now before the lucky break of the track hoe delivery, I decided to start dismantleing the carport. you know to allow time for the project to sort itself out, and let my subconscience ruminate on the obvious issues at hand, like what was I going to do now?THe folding ladder I have just happened to bend at a nearly perfect angle to allow me to climb on the roof of the carport, without being on the roof of the car port. I had expected this to be the case, though I had no way to assure myself of it until I got there. So the car port disassembly went pretty well. Of course I had very able bodied assistants to help so it went pretty nearly flawlessly, we did lose one screw, but everything came apart beautifully otherwise. The sheets of steel slid off in a controlled manner,

 

 

and no one was

 

 

 

 

 

injured in any of the operation, I was told it was loud.

 

 

 

 

I realized the fact that the carport was steel was going to work to my advantage.... and the uprights just happened to be the right length to make a large steel ramp that the wooden shed would easily be pulled up by the 12000 pound winch I had mounted in the bed, for just that purpose. In fact the 4 x 4's I brought, I used to make a base for the shed, so it wouldn't get torn up dragging it across the lawn, and now up the ramp. It worked like it was designed by a house mover. Or maybe an experienced hillbilly. As the shed confidently slid up the ramp, the ramp tilted up. And held in place by the weight of the shed and

 

 

 

 

 

the "bows" from the roof of the carport it all just looked like it was actually planned out in advance. Though so many people who know me, will not readily accept it, this was the plan from the start, sort of. I hadn't intended the "back porch" to be so large, it hung over more than 10 feet, that is quite a beavertail to consider when making tight turns. Fortunately, except for the Walmart parking lot, I was never close to anything to have to worry about it.

The loading went surprisingly well and I felt it was fairly well secured for the trip home. However, the timetable was a bit askew! Arrival two hours late, project loading, an hour longer at least, and it was raining off and on. I never planned to drive in the rain, or after dark, AND ASSUREDLY, NEVER IN THE RAIN AFTER DARK!

That was the case however, we left after dark, (and a pizza, provided so generously by her sister and her husband, my favorite Brother in Law.) in the off and on, gentle rain. Rain that required wipers, and the fans running, in addition to the miserably aimed head lights, which also have no high beam, for some unknown reason. That lead me to discover the alternator wasn't working properly, when the truck died and wouldn't start, which I assumed was a fuel issue due to my previous experience with the packed fuel filter, that sidelined me while returning from getting it weighed.. (another story of course). I managed to coax it onto a side street in a tiny burg called Holmesville, as it had been running for more than ten minutes, it required the usual 20 minutes of cooling time for the starter to function. I beat on the starter for an additional 20 minutes before I recognized that the problem was the dead battery. Which then lead me to discover the alternator belt wasn't tight, and wouldn't tighten, it was an inch too big at least. But, I had a spare battery! You see, I expected using the winch I had installed to load the buildings, to require quite a bit of power. So I took another fully charged battery along. And due to being able to use the track hoe to accomplish most of the loading, I barely used it. So I swapped the battery and the truck started right up, I had also used the time to change the fuel filter, which I could accomplish, very uncomfortably, from inside the truck "cab" during the rain. I also changed my shirt after all this time to a dry one my lovely wife had thought to bring for me, knowing how I sweat when I work. This had another unexpected result., I dropped my iPhone in her car, at this point, but didn't know it. We were using our walkie talkies from vehicle to vehicle, as we knew the commo would be patchy along route 83. We hadn't anticipated using them for so long though, and they were getting weak.

About ten miles later the truck died again, this time in the middle of the main intersection in Millersburg. I was having terrible leg cramps from the previous couple of days of scrambling to get the truck finished, and all the jumping up and down to load the buildings, let alone, being on a ladder to dismantle the carport! Did I mention it was steel? Rather heavier than I had anticipated.... But I digress! After about a dozen cycles of the traffic light, I decided I would chance having Chris try to pull me with the Escape, at least out of the intersection. I wrapped a kevlar strap around the front bumper of the truck and attached it to the bike rack on the Escape. And she pulled me down the block to a 30 minute parking zone. It was raining, the truck was dead, and again, acting like it was a fuel problem. I didn't want to run the battery down any further, and I was concerned that it was acting like it was a fuel starvation problem, so I changed the fuel filter again, this time with one with a bigger inlet and outlet, I had one more new one left. I had anticipated fuel issues but little did I realize what was .... Oops, getting ahead of myself again. I offered Chris a drink and took a couple more homeopathic leg cramp pills, (though, they were really for sciatica, but I was pretending..). It was about 1:30 AM, and she declined the offered drink, as it was likely to make her very uncomfortable. I had just added to the flow of rain water myself, next to the truck, out of necessity of course. I told her to check for an available rest room in the area. She found a 24 hour Walmart, about a three minute drive away. I told her go for it, and I'd meet her there, if I got the truck started. We laughed, and she left. Turns out, the truck did start. And I blasted down the road to the Walmart, (as I thought we had discussed).

She wasn't there, and I wasn't going back to Millersburg, unless I could find a new belt for the trucks alternator, and guess what, NOT an item carried by Walmart. I did buy a new battery, just in case, and as it took quite a while for the manger to be summoned to tell me this, "we don't carry belts of any type". Chris showed up, and wasn't pleased with me, I had left my iPhone in her car. I explained how glad I was she had it, as I had realized I didn't, and suspected I had lost it in the intersection in Holmesville, when I had changed into my previously dry clean shirt.

At that point we decided, rather than chance getting stuck further out from civilization, we would spend the night in the Walmart parking lot. Haven't done that since our days in the new-er motor home. It was just as I remembered, but much less pleasant, in fact the cramping got so bad I had to leave the car and walk, in the rain, into and around the Walmart, and searched for the actual "Homeopathic little white pills" that really work to help relieve the cramping. They don't carry those either. Finally at 7 am we went to McD's for breakfast and then up the road to a Tractor Supply, where I purchased an inch smaller belt than the one on the engine, only to discover it was too small? I decided the original belt had been eaten away by the rough pulleys enough to loose its grip, so I returned the 45" belt, got another 46" belt and finally got it on. We were ready to head home. Daylight, not raining, a new battery, an original replacement belt, and I got about 500 feet! And there, right in front of the Wendy's on the driveway out, it stalled again. This time really reeking of gasoline? I lifted the carpeted hump inside and looked down on an engine covered with gasoline, pooled in all the low spots of the intake manifold, probably about a gallon! Well, okay, maybe more like a quart, but it was a lot considering it was in places it wasn't supposed to be! And the truck wasn't getting even the 10 MPG I had counted on when I built it. (was working out more like 5 MPG, can't support that appetite for too long.) I soaked up the fuel with a handful of napkins as Chris responded with a roll of paper towels. As soon as it was "safe" I tried starting it again and watched the carburetor become covered with gas and begin pouring it down the engine. It seemed like every gasket I had installed when I rebuilt it, had suddenly begun leaking. But particularly the tiny "o" rings on the fuel transfer tube, It's a Holly you see, I grabbed the tube with a pair of pliers to rotate it and it nearly crushed, as a piece of the "o" ring washed out, and the flow went crazy! Well, no duct tape fix for that.

We were across from an Advance Auto Parts store, so trusty credit card in hand, I went in and asked what Carbs they had for a 350 Chevy engine. Before it was all over I'd bought three carburetors, actually two, but one twice, and an adapter plate, feet of various size hoses, an assortment of clamps and borrowed a couple tools to be able to jury rig the new carb for the remainder of the trip home. Eventually, as Chris was tired of attempting to coax people to go around, and though they weren't yet open, I was blocking the entrance to the Wendy's, so we returned to the tow strap idea and Chris and the little Escape, pulled me to the lot behind the Advanced Auto Parts store. After about three hours I finally got the vehicle in a manner I thought might make it, but Chris suggested I drive it around the parking lot a couple times first. Of course now it was a parking lot full of soccer moms and Amish buggies and morons who didn't realize I had a ten foot long beaver tail out the back of the machine and couldn't just turn a corner, I had to "swing it out there" and try to recover before it made a lasting impression on things I was attempting to pass. And the throttle was a little "sticky". The return spring wasn't quite "right" the control linkage was afro engineered to the point of being nearly scary even to me, and the"new" "tight" throttle control shafts in the carb were, well, tight! Which didn't make for a smooth operation, and having to "kick the gas pedal down" by revving the engine, when I wanted to stop??? Was a little awkward, but doable. You see, I have driven unsafe and in fact tremendously dangerous stuff in bad circumstances for many many moons. There was this one time, when the throttle on a fire truck was sticking and I hadn't been warned until I was bearing down on an accident scene, in the dark, in the rain, having less than 4 minutes earlier been fast asleep and I determined the brakes weren't stopping our ten ton vehicle fast enough, if at all. In fact we arrived with such a flurry of activity, it was even noticed by a couple of the usually totally unaware police officers at the scene. "WOW you guys were in a big damn hurry weren't you?" Little did they know!

Back to the Walmart, I made a couple other seat of the pants adjustments, determined I'd probably survive, and Chris would be thrown clear, and we finally headed out for the beckoning showers at NadaFarm. Imagine this bearing down on you out in the middle of nowhere. The rest of the trip consisted of trying to find appropriate places for people to safely pass due to my slow pace and caution around normally medium speed curves. I was crawling, because if it came off, it was gone, and if not, I was gone, it didn't have my name on it anywhere. The remaining miles were white knuckle, but only because I had major cramps, no sleep, and the constant feeling of impending doom that accompanies most of my "off the farm" endeavors.

 

 

 

 

The Chores, Fresh Air, Green Acres is for ME.